And now for your listening pleasure another edition of our long running serial Mrs Winton's Diary - today's episode 'Goodness Gracious Great Balls Of Fire'
Dear Diary:
Popped into the building society today - the most extraordinary thing happened - a gentlemen sitting down in the waiting area shot up out of his seat, and please forgive me, screamed out 'My balls are on fire' - It seems an over zealous cleaner had liberally cleaned the seats with bleach and the poor gentleman had sat on the wet chair. When I left he was demanding a pair of new trousers and a bowl of water.
Goodnight dear diary.
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Ruined by the beast, I realised during the reception what a terrible mistake I had made.
My dear Cedric mummy's favourite boy
Always baking, here she is getting her buns out, father used to say how delicious they were
The daily diary of the eternally confused Mrs Winton, some have unkindly described as Mr Pooter meets Kenneth Williams over gypsy creams. Also broadcast during 2004 on LBC 97.3 Radio in London on The Sandi Toksvig Show.
About Me
Now where shall I start? I am a housewife, mother of two an ardent believer in anything The Daily Mail prints and my motto is; 'There's nothing better than a crisply starched pair of net curtains.' If you would like to contact me I would be delighted if you filled in the thingy that Cedric has added to the bottom of the page.
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I do hope you enjoy reading my diary
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I do hope you enjoy reading my diary
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My Happiest Day?
Ruined by the beast, I realised during the reception what a terrible mistake I had made.
Cedric
My dear Cedric mummy's favourite boy
My Family
I have a son - Cedric, he is a very sensitive boy and very dear to me, he is still living with his mum, bless him and does a lot of what he calls 'networking' mostly in his bedroom with other like-minded gentlemen.
Then there's my daughter Gwendolyn she is married to Percy and they tell me that they have 'seen the light' The light in question appears to be a form of Christianity I frown upon, nothing like the gentle sermons of the Reverend Shanks but a lot of clapping and praising of Jesus oh and hymns with people playing drums along to, quite ghastly.
The beast as I call him comes and goes as he pleases, I have little to do with him now he's moved into the granny annex, I shan't divorce him though, that would be wrong and would kill poor Cedric. So mummy puts up with the beast around the house, but pays him little attention. He's good for paying the bills but little else.
Sally or Selly as I like to call her is my sister, she has airs and graces far above her station in life and if it wasn't for that scratch card win she would have little income thanks to her so called husband of hers.
The beast as I call him comes and goes as he pleases, I have little to do with him now he's moved into the granny annex, I shan't divorce him though, that would be wrong and would kill poor Cedric. So mummy puts up with the beast around the house, but pays him little attention. He's good for paying the bills but little else.
Sally or Selly as I like to call her is my sister, she has airs and graces far above her station in life and if it wasn't for that scratch card win she would have little income thanks to her so called husband of hers.
Barbara
Although I am happy to call myself a housewife I really hate housework. I find the hoover such a noisy instrument. So Barbara pops in everyday. I do try and see the best in her but the OCD has got steadily worse - I often find that she has turned the taps off so tightly that poor Cedric has to take a spanner to them.
My Favourite Places
My Late Mother
Always baking, here she is getting her buns out, father used to say how delicious they were
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.