Votes for Women

I'm not interested in politics which is why I have always voted Conservative.  I vote for our local MP - Sir Reginald. He is a most disarming man if a little absent minded, which would explain the reason for him standing-down, there was some mix-up with a mortgage that he was claiming for, that he had actually paid off in 1978.

I feel that the local press have got completely the wrong end of the stick and have gone on accusing  him of stealing from the tax payers he is supposed to represent.  So I wrote to the Gazette in attempt to put the record straight.

Some years ago I attended a Rotary do with the Beast, even then we were not really talking but carried on our social functions as a happily married etc.  Anyway Sir Reginald was also attending.  We were holding the do in the demountable behind, as it was then, Safeway in the town, which has now become a ghastly Morrisons.  Sir Reginald was late, he got lost in the town centre, I know he does have trouble finding time to visit the constituency and has got lost before.  But I realise he is busy with state affairs and the like which keep him from our little town.

Well he was in very good spirits that night, the life and soul of the party.  About half way through poor Mrs Chesterfield was taken queer.  Said she had trouble breathing, which I can well believe in the dress she was almost wearing.  Well with one bound Sir Reginald was there by her side and insisted that she walk round the car park with him. 

They must have been gone a good twenty minutes I finally bumped into them in the porch coming in, I was on the way out to the little girls room, I use the one in Safeway, the facilities in the demountable being far from satisfactory. Mrs Chesterfield still appeared quite flushed, It was then I noticed that Sir Reginald had been walking around with his fly undone.  How very absent minded I thought. Oh and I want to make it clear that I am not in the habit of looking at a gentleman's nether regions, but my eyes were in that general direction as I was looking for my brolly, it had come onto rain and I had no intention of getting my twinset wet negotiating the car park.

Anyway to come to the point he was a very fine MP and I for one shall miss him.  I'm not too sure who the new one will be, so long as he's not a boy I shan't mind.  Oh well goodnight dear diary.

Salmon Suprise

Barbara thundered in yesterday, really I wish she would be lighter on her feet. "Morning Mrs W," she says, I glance at my watch and think more like afternoon Mrs W. "Must go to the little girls room."  and with that she's off up the stairs, ignoring the downstairs cloak.  She's gone for nearly fifteen minutes of my time, then there's a crash of my bathroom door and she breezes down telling me "I wouldn't go in there for a while if I was you." Oh dear I thought, I dread to think what unpleasantness my Aldelphi suite has had to endure.

Then she takes an idle glance at the hoover which I have taken the trouble to leave out for her and she's off telling me about some wedding she attended at the weekend.  Her sister's half daughter's niece or someone, I try not to listen.  The jist of which involved her Raymond, a man of few words, disgracing himself.

According to Barbara he said "Come on Babs get stuck in I've just been to the bar and all the booze is free" she said that within the hour he was very much the worst for wear.  She told me the happy couple had put on a lovely spread, it was one of those cold buffet things, there were little sandwiches of every description and vol-au-vent's and everything Mrs W.  Including it would seem a whole dressed salmon. she said "It looked like it had been to Church, it was so pretty."

Then she said before she could stop Raymond he had staggered to the table.  "I just knew what would happen next, I rushed toward him Mrs W but I was too late, he was most violently ill, most of it went over the salmon, the vol-au-vent's were hardly touched so they could have been salvaged or something but instead the groom bodily removed my Raymond from the reception."

I didn't really know what to say to her, I decided to murmur 'How very unfortunate' and I slowly backed away tripping over the blessed hoover. "I'd put that away if I were you Mrs W" before I could say anything her mobile telephone went off and she was suddenly in deep conversation with one or other of her ghastly family.

I do wonder why I keep her on?  Oh well goodnight dear diary.